One Orbit of the Sun Completed!

MIRANDA IS ONE YEAR OLD!!!

Really find that hard to believe! This time last year, I was just allowed out of hospital, and we wrapped her up in her minute car seat for the first ever trip home. She was very slightly orange (jaundiced) and had loads of spikey dark hair.
One year on, and she is currently rocking about on a large wooden snail, (thanks to Aunty Tattoo-Jo), swigging orange juice from her bottle, and singing "doobu-doobu-doobu ayaayuu" to herself in the play corner in my cafe (which also didn't exist a year ago!). She is very much a little person now, but even so, this year has just flown by.

Miri is more or less blond now, her hair seems to lighten in the sun just like her Dad's does. She is 74cm tall (at least, she was last time she kept still long enough to measure!), weighs just under 12kg, has size 5 feet (!!!) and four teeth.

Development-wise, she is walking!!!!! Well almost. We know she can do it, and we even have video evidence of this, but she still prefers not to because she is still quite wobbly, and crawling is still the faster, most efficient option. Nevertheless, the cafe is no longer my own and we have had to construct the Miranda Containment Facility to stop her getting in the kitchen in there! She is also saying "Mum" "Dada" and named her new doll "Diedre" (by holding it going "Deedree!). Unfortunately these words are applied indescriminately, so anyone she wants something from becomes "Mum" and anyone who picks her up for any reason other than food, becomes Dada. Otherwise, she is very chatty, and sings or talks to her toys quite happily in Miriese.

She's still having the occasional boob feed too. I am trying to stop this just because she has been known to BITE with her sharp new teeth, which is excrutiating. We have yet to find any sort of food that she won't eat too, so she doesn't really need breatmilk any more anyway. She regularly has a bottle of milky tea in the cafe with me. However, the other week I had a run in with an idiot doctor. I went to the doctors because I've been having migraines, he prescribed me something, but I asked if I could take it and still breastfeed. He was genuinely incredulous that I was "still" breastfeeding!! He already knew exactly how old Miranda was, but I was quite offended by his reaction. It may not be that common to be breastfeeding at a year old, but it is not unheard of, not abnormal or freakish and certainly not doing her any harm! Surely doctors should be encouraging me and supporting me, not practically ridiculing it? NOT IMPRESSED.

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, on her actual birthday yesterday, we had a party in the cafe, and I invited all my friends with children, and also some of the customers that come in with kids. We had SO MANY show up!! Miri was spoilt rotten, as even people I didn't know very well brought presents for her. At one point we had 10 kids in the cafe, all under 6. I fed them all jelly and icecream and they raced around and played with all the toys in the cafe and blew party poppers at each other and made a glorious mess. Needless to say I am completely shattered today!!! Miranda managed a 20 minute sleep all day, the rest of the time she was too excited to even contemplate the idea of a nap. I don't get why she is so awake and boisterous today now! Granny and Grandad came up over the weekend too, and we went to a big play park which she loved, and they took her out while I was working in the cafe on Saturday, and I pedalled her about in the new seat (from the grandparents) on my new trike... all in all, a very exciting few days for a small girl!

Now, she has a rocking snail, a 'scramble bug' (ride on cute thing), lots of new clothes and books, a cuddly springbok from Auntie Karen in South Africa, various plastic noisy things, and Auntie Jopo had the sense to buy her two large toy boxes to put it all in! Carl decided she needed something Big to play in outside, so we got her a swing and slide set for the garden - she loves it!

The party was brilliant, and it was lovely that so many of our friends showed up to celebrate with Miranda. I don't think she actually understands the concept of "birthday" yet but she really enjoyed herself!! I am so proud of my "toddler"!! 

Long time no blog, and many changes!

Miranda is now ten months old...!
I have been rushed off my feet with the cafe and the Phd and every other mad scheme, and despite the exhaustion, I feel so lucky that Miri takes it all in her minute stride. She is very, very social, and really does appear to love the cafe. Most of my customers think she's wonderful, with total strangers commenting on how bright, alert and CUTE she is! Of course, she laps up the attention.

The third tooth is just about visible now, top right we think - it looks as though it will break through any day now.

Miranda is also talking - she babbles away happily to Carl and I, shrieking at things that annoy her or amuse her, gurbles intently at her toys, and makes emotive political speeches, accompanied by wild gestures and appropriately forceful table banging, from her high chair in the cafe. All of this is in Mirandese. She has got the hang of Ds and Bs and Gs - dadababagaga and her favourite: BooGURgoo. Annoyingly, she says Dada all the time but hasn't managed Mama yet. I changed her nappy the other day and I could swear she suddenly yelled "CABBAGES"! More worringly though, she came at me far too close the other morning, grabbed my hair with both hands and said "Braaaaains". Baby Zombie!! Aaaargh!!

At the end of February, we went to stay with Granny and Grandad for a week (leaving poor Carl behind.) They fussed over her no end, insisted on giving her a bath pretty much every night, and we got a Titch-hiker thing that lets her ride around on my shoulders which she adores! Meanwhile, I managed to finish the last chapter of my thesis. I love Miranda with all my heart, but sometimes she doesn't exactly help...:

We went to Miri's second Whitby Goth Weekend too, just for a day trip. Miranda wore a fabulous little Spider suit given to her by Ione Chapman complete with Velcro'd on extra legs. Whitby was a bit quieter than usual, but she had great fun meeting up with our extended goth family - and of course had her photograph taken ALL DAY. I bought her her first doll, a little 'Batling' like a Cabbage Patch kid but wearing black and with bat wings!

A few weeks ago, I also experienced my first Mothers' Day! Bizarre feeling really, I almost forgot it now applies to me. I send off a card to Granny, but then Carl  - I mean, Miri - bought me a Book of Cakes and a bib for Miri saying "Don't Laugh, She's My Mum".

The biggest news though is that MIRANDA IS MOBILE! She has been veryvery close to crawling for so long, but she hated doing it, much preferring me to bend double and walk her around holding on to my fingers. When I didn't want to give myself a bad back any more, she used to wail at me and complain instead of actually crawling. That was until four days ago. Suddenly she twigged and worked out what her knees can do. It really was a case of overnight mobility, on Thursday she was still getting cross when I didn't walk with her, then on Friday she was scooting about on all fours, making bids for freedom out of the front door, getting into the cupboards at work and cruising round the edge of the furniture. She can pull herself up on most things now and there has been plenty of bumped hea-ds and wailing - usually more out of surprise than pain. The floor comes up and bites her when she isn't looking! So Unfair!!

So, the cafe is no longer my own. Jo and I are constantly dreaming up Miri Containment Schemes (possibly involving picket fences - "it's ok as long as you call it a playpen and not a cage!"), and I am hunting for socket covers and feel as though I am constantly vacuuming after she distributes raisins and crumbs and bricks and various detritus around the place. 

 

My little Moomin Cheese is growing up!!

The Musings of Miranda Dione, aged 6 months

Miranda has learnt to type!

 

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rsazzzzzzW2SWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWFDRSZZZZZZZZS1xwwwwwwww\' chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhcrwsadddrsdsffff5ttttttttttgszzzzzzzzzxxxxxxxxxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzh7y,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mbbbb[\\\\\rwsazzwbgdffffffsxxxxxxxxTzzzzzzzzzsdfxcs2sssec\dx\??????????????????k''''.//////////​​​=========........\j8lllllllllll. Eu8lluuu\\\.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,\8;.\ffffffffffffffffffffffffj.n\z\-=]/,]@bw2

frxddddddddcxj,l,3bxdm ,,,kmfzss,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,jm;,.!i(¬! \\\\\\,\

3

m .​Ṛthsp;m 0nmlllllllllll.l.u8ipppppppp;;///........;;i,. .CDQSSDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA3RZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

FXXZZZVXXSzsSSSSSEVX-'/=!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!qqqqqqqq!!!!!!!!qQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQAQQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ,,,.',,LQ] .o.oooooiiiiiiiiii8mm ;-----------c vb uhgtdcdccccccccccfddddddd9Icedsaz \\YGFDL BBBBKM BBBBBBBBJHTGGGGG HB B JFVC FFFFFVUNFFFFFHVVVVV FA C CV DDDDDDRFXF VV UUUUUGNNNNNNNN MMMUUNM,.J​ KK OOOOOOOOOJJJJM , GGGGG MMGGGGGGGGGG6886

 

Isn't she a clever girl?! 

This does of course make doing anything on the computer - chatting on Facebook, my accounts, even my thesis, very, very difficult. Miri is not stupid. She can see that Mummy and Daddy spend a lot of time playing with computers or phones, and so they must be interesting for her as well. She wants to join in with everything I do!

In some ways, this is a useful development. We have finally got the Afternoon Tease cafe open and so Miranda accompanies me to work every day and STARES at people in the cafe. Her Granny knitted her a soft tea pot and some coffee cups and cakes and things, so she really can copy what I do, or shriek instructions at me from her high chair. She is instantly fascinated every time a new person comes into the coffee shop, and most of the time, she seems quite content in there which is fantastic. She is so good! And everyone admires her which makes me so proud.

The other major development that has taken place in her 6th month has been her sudden love affair with FOOD. Real food. Mummy-Milk is no longer enough. She is growing fast (achingly heavy to carry, nowadays!) and needs more than I can give her which unfortunately means I am constantly knackered and dehydrated - not great when starting a new business as well! We have been blending up what Carl and I have for dinner in the evenings, so Miri's tried pureed spag bol, rice n beans, roast dinner, mash and peas, lasagne and so on. I only sell sandwiches in the cafe, and I can't blend sandwiches, so I've been buying jars of baby food for there. She's on "stage 2" jars already - the stuff with lumps in and can get through 3/4 of a jar a day, plus a home made meal in the evening, and at least five milk feeds too. I am not sure if this is a growth spurt again or just what happens at six months. Still, she is easy to feed. Again, if she can see us eating, then she wants to, and so far she has eaten and enjoyed everything we've given her - with the exception of scrambled egg. I suppose it must be the texture she objects to, given that she eats boiled egg quite happily. But I can't see her ever being a fussy eater, and that can only be a good thing!

It is so hard for me to believe she is 6 months old already though. It has gone so quick. I don't want her to grow up too fast, I love her just the way she is: beautiful, bright, happy, alert, curious and adventurous. I am so, so proud of her!

New Experiences

Yesterday we saw hippos! Shaun took us down to the river ('Crocodile River') that runs through the farm, and there were 17 hippos in a big family group, splopping about in the water and occasionally surfacing to bask in the sun. Magnificently ugly beasts. They definitely knew we were there, and kept eyeballing us from a respectful distance, but were otherwise unbothered. Miranda glowered at them for a while and then decided she wanted feeding. Milk is still far more interesting! This is why I am taking thousands of photos and writing these blog posts - sadly Miri won't remember any of these experiences. It may well be a good thing; the other morning we nearly ran over a huge black mumba snake lying in the road and it reared up at the car!! Freaked me out totally but fortunately Miri remained completely oblivious.

One new experience she is getting to try though is solid food, specifically, South African solid(ish) food. Karen seems to think, at four months, I shouldn't be breastfeeding as much as I do and we should be weaning her. I have noticed that Miranda takes an interest in what we are eating and everything she grabs goes straight in her mouth anyway. And she needs to cut this first tooth that is growing on something, I guess. I think my milk maybe tasting slightly different too: the South African diet is basically meat, meat, more meat, a bit more meat for extras and a portion of meat on the side. All red meat, too though Shaun graciously allowed some chicken (well marinated, of course) on the most recent braai. We are not giving Miranda any meat besides braai-flavoured milk, but we are giving her little bits of our food to try. She liked bits of potato and mayonnaise from potato salad, tiny pieces of tomato, baked beans, banana and yellow rice from when I tried babotie (a Cape Malay dish of a sort of spiced meatloaf with raisins in, topped with an egg custard and served with yellow rice and plaintain - odd but delish!). Of course I know these things aren't good for her, but we gave her such tiny amounts it couldn't do any harm. She seemed VERY keen though!

In the cause of being sensible and healthy, we bought her some 'Purity' first baby foods, as recommended by Lindsay, a vegetable one and a fruit one, and bravely tried to feed her with her favourite green rubber spoon. At first, she was more interested in the spoon and tried to chew it, meaning the orange goo just went straight down her front. But little by little, the vegetable one disappeared over three feeds. The fruit one was not a success, but she still ate a bit of fresh banana too.
Karen took us to the nut factory, where they process all the locally grown nuts and some fruits. The factory shop sells huge bags of the things very cheaply, so we stocked up. I got a big bag of dried fruit - apricots, apple slices, peach halves etc to try Miranda with. A few pieces of apple disappeared and then she got very very attached to a slice of peach, just sucking on it and producing copious amounts of orange drool. We wandered round this little place with lots of craft shops and a winery, and I bought her a handmade cuddly warthog. We sat down to have some lunch and the floodgates suddenly opened. Too much dried fruit and vegetable goo on a little stomach adapted to a milk-only diet does not produce pretty results!! Two explosive, brown lumpy nappies in quick succession... Ew ew ewww. Worse, the apple appeared to have gone straight through her, whole and undigested. Sign enough, we think, that maybe poor baby isn't quite ready for solid foods. However, the look of pride and satisfaction on her face after filling those nappies was priceless!

Nelspruit/Mbombela

Today involved a mightily long journey from Johannesburg to Nelspruit to the farm where Shaun and Karen live. Shaun maintains all the machinary on a massive orange, avocado and macadamia nut farm, and they live on site. The place is absolutely amazing from our point of view, so lush and green. The perfect place for a kid to grow up, too. At the moment, Carl's neice, Lindsay is here as well. Lindsay is technically Miranda's only first cousin, but there is an age gap between them of 23 years! Lindsay is now married to Gerhard, and has three kids, Olivia (nearly 5) Abigail (15 months) and Gabriel (5 weeks!). So poor Karen has a houseful of babies!

Our journey should have taken us four hours, and would have done if it weren't for South African roads. These parallel Peruvian roads in their ridiculousness. The main free way out of Joburg has four lanes in either direction, and seemingly no speed limit. Worse, no one has any sense of lane control either, and we were frequently overtaken on both sides at once, which was more than a little unnerving. Outside Johannesburg, it got worse: two lanes in either direction, again with no lane control but also, no central reservation, so if you wavered over the painted line just a fraction, you could end up hitting a truck coming head on at 120kmph!
Of course, this sort of system invites accidents, and about 20 miles outside Nelspruit, we got stuck. We never found out exactly what happened, but whatever it was involved the police, ambulance and a massive tow-truck to remove the cars involved. And then they closed the road. Everyone still on the road (ie, us!) just had to sit there and wait for it to clear. We moved about 100 yards in 45 minutes!!! Aaargh. Poor Miranda had been asleep while the car was moving but woke up as soon as we stopped in the traffic jam. She was bored and hungry and had filled her nappy, and was highly pissed off. Her pissed off cry is deafening, but there was very little we could do about it at that point!We eventually got through the accident zone, and then promptly got lost. There is a new road, built for the World Cup stadium over the summer, which completely bypasses Nelspruit, and once you are on it, you can't get off. And there are no sign posts at all because they are trying to change the name from Nelspruit to Mbombela, and all the signs say Mbombela and we didn't realise it was the same place. And of course, my phone was rapidly running out of batteries, so we couldn't call Karen for directions for longer than a few minutes. And it was getting dark. And Miri was yelling her head off....

Once Carl had realised we were on the new road, he exercised his right as an almost-local to Insane Driving, and did a U-turn on the dual carriage way (sometimes the lack central barrier is a useful thing!). We randomly found a drive-thru KFC and parked there, tried to pacify Miri, and got Shaun and Gerhard to come and rescue us! Turns out we were incredibly, frustratingly close to where we needed to be, and that this new road actually cuts through part of the farm!! Never mind. We were welcomed with beer and yet more braai (exceptionally good boerewors!), and all three kiddies. Last time I saw them, Olivia was only 18 months old, and the other two hadn't even been thought of. Olivia is now a beautiful, sweet little girl and very much her own person, Abi has the most expressive face I've ever seen on a toddler and lovely spikey strawberry-blonde hair, and little Gabriel looks so tiny and sleepy in comparison with Miranda who is only 3 months older than him. Surreal. Miri seems fascinated with her new cousins though and got over the trauma of the long car journey very quickly when she had been fed, changed and became the centre of attention again! I think she will enjoy her stay here.

Primark and The Daily Mail

Miranda has a few new words in Miri-Speak:
Eeh-Goo - "Ooh shiny thing!"
Uuneng! - "I've got farts!"
Ehgaah - "Yum" or possibly "I'm full!" after feeding....
Iyurl - "I'm bored."

She seems to be using the last one rather a lot at the moment. She is so alert nowadays and the downside of her sleeping through the night is that she is VERY awake, all day. This means I have to devote more attention to her (even writing this is extremely difficult) and I'm constantly trying to find new ways to amuse her. Granny found her a bouncer - as in, a swing on a spring that you clip on to the door frame, not a security guard - she is not to sure about it yet, but it amuses me no end!

With the aim of Entertaining Miranda, I head into town every day with no real purpose other than getting out of the house. Fortunately Miri is still interested in most of the shops in Darlington, so we traipse round for hours window shopping. The other day, however, we had a specific aim: Primark. I know you may grooooooan at this, dear reader, but I am aware that most of their clothes are chavvy and very probably made by Asian kids not much bigger than Miri... (though pretty much every high street clothes shop is guilty of that!) - but it is cheap. Since Miranda grows so quickly and needs new ones every other week, I can't afford to spend more than a few quid on Tiny Jeans.
Plus, Auntie Jo informed me of this:


Primark tells breastfeeding woman to use changing room or leave store

Ridiculous!!! 
Of course, I had to test our local branch but unfortunately for this groundbreaking research, Miranda was, miraculously, not hungry. According to Beryl from Coventry (see the comments on that article), getting your breasts out in public to feed is just attention seeking, anyway. This reinforces my already pretty negative view of Daily Mail readers, as you may imagine. Which actually attracts more attention? a) someone breastfeeding a baby, b) a hungry baby yelling it's head off, or even c) women wandering round with huge boobs popping out of Primark's cheap vest tops? Answers on a postcard....
Anyway, I left with a pair of very tiny grey jeans for Miranda for £4, and promptly disposed of the hideous pink belt that came with them. Babies do not need belts and my baby does not need pink! Actually, this is something else the Daily  Mail, or at least, it's bloggers, disapprove of: babies wearing jeans. Apparently I am making Miranda into a mini-adult by dressing her in jeans. On the other hand, they are warm, practical and generally Not Pastel....

I don't do all my shopping in Primark, by the way. Most of my clothes, and now Miranda's too, come from all over the place. She was so exhausted here, I couldn't get her out of the sling!

Miranda wears jeans by Primark, "My Mum Rocks" t-shirt from Pandemonium in Whitby, Poncho from Some Efnic Stall Outside Sheffield Student Union, and sling by Infantino for Boots. Socks, model's own. Styling by Mum at Caffe Nero.

Decisions, Decisions....

Help. Brainache.
I hate making decisions like this at the best of times, but now Miranda is here, my decisions carry more weight than usual, because whatever I decide affects her as well. I want more than anything to do the best I can for her, but sometimes I am not sure what that is.

This isn't really a Miranda-blog post (she is doing great, growing incessantly, eating tons and filling her nappy at inopportune moments and then looking very proud of herself!) This is more about my own insecurities! My issue at the moment is What Happens Post-PhD. I am supposed to go back to it after maternity leave in January, and get it finished by April. But of course, as soon as I finish it, my funding dries up. It's a daft situation that gives no incentive to finish the thesis at all...The end of uni means suddenly losing a very large proportion of our joint income, and Carl cannot support all three of us.

The most logical thing for me to do would be to pursue a career in academia, although at 27 with only a years' experience in a graduate job to my name, I think I am past the point at which I can use the word "career" with any degree of plausibility. I've applied for four academic jobs now, lectureships in Sheffield and York, and the average salary for that sort of job would mean that I could happily support us all, so Carl could give work and spend time with Miri. He would revel in that, I think. It would also have other benefits like moving house and getting out of Darlington finally. However, I did not even get shortlisted for any of those jobs, and one had NINETY TWO applicants. It is utterly hopeless, especially since there are so, so few of them in the first place.

Unless Carl miraculously finds a better job; we can't afford for me not to work. The very last thing I want is to have to find a job that I don't want to do, just to pay the bills, especially when that would also mean a huge chunk of my wages would go towards childcare for Miranda. It is counter-productive and not something I want to consider at all. She's too young!

My coffee van isn't the answer either. I at best make pocket money off it at the moment, just doing the markets. Even if I tried to do more with it, the bigger Miranda gets, the more impractical it would be. I can't entertain her or pay her much attention when I'm serving coffee at the same time and she'd hate sitting in the van all day on her own, it wouldn't be fair on her. And I couldn't inflict winter market stalls in the snow on her either.

So, I did come up with another option, which is, running my own business and finally setting up the cafe I've been on about for years. Unfortunately this has to be in Darlington which I know is not the best place. However, the one thing that I do love about this place is my wonderful collection of completely batty friends. Two of them are coming on board with this project as well. We are planning on sharing the rent on a retail unit, and opening as a cafe and writers' workshop by day and studio for Burlesque classes by night. It's called Afternoon Tease. I am completely in love with the idea, not least because it is an opportunity to do what I love, but also gives me the freedom to take Miranda along with me, thus avoiding having to pay to abandon her with strangers.

But it is not as simple as that. Due to the disinterest of the landlord, we haven't managed to get in to the unit we wanted, which is more than a little frustrating especially since there isn't actually any real reason other than this guy's slowness. Plans for getting round this hurdle have included Body Parts Squashed In New Pannini Machine, and so on. On a more practical level, we looked round another unit today. It would do us very nicely and has a lot of advantages, but it is three times the price and involves signing a terrifyingly long lease agreement.

I am worried about this. I have got some much riding on this, because the cafe idea honestly feels like my only option. But then, is it a good idea to try and bring Miranda up in a coffee shop? Would I end up neglecting her? Shouldn't I be revelling in New Motherhood and not worrying about working again given that she's only three months old? I just don't know. And then there are the financial worries. The long lease means agreeing to pay a very high rent for a very long time, and I lack the confidence to trust in the fact that a coffee shop could make a lot of money relatively quickly. Without Miri, I am sure I wouldn' be worrying about this anything like as mucb. I do still have an income that can buffer the worse of the financial hardship we are likely to encounter, and I won't need to actually make a living off this for quite a while yet. But I don't want to get tied down into something I can't afford for so long.

I don't know what to dooooooooo!!!

Granny, Mummy and Miri outside what could be the Afternoon Tease coffee shop.

Little Brain at 12 weeks.

When I had twelve weeks left of my pregnancy, I was already fed up with it and very impatient, and another three months seemed an impossibly long time to wait to meet our baby. Now, however, the twelve weeks that have passed since giving birth have just vanished! Miranda has changed and grown so much in that time but I still haven't got used to it all yet
We took her to see her Great-GrandNan (Big Nan) yesterday as she was vaguely in the vicinity for once. Of course, to her, Miri has grown enormously, as she wasn't quite a month old last time we did a great-grandparent visit. Nan had been a little optimistic though, knitting Miri a new outfit with a hat big enough to fit me! Never mind, it is incredibly cute all the same!

With Great-GrandNanny

The little brain in Miranda's head is now working overtime at the moment. She is sleeping through the night (Woohoo!!) and what's more, sleeping in her own room in her lovely tram cot, while I lay awake all night anxiously and obsessively listening to the baby monitor. This means, of course, that she is now awake for the majority of the day, and I struggle to find new ways to entertain her. I have been investigating the library again (during the Competitive Parenting classes, sorry I mean, Under 5s Rhymetime!) and we now have books in Spanish and English. Leo the naughty kitten and Lucia la Gatita are great fun, and Lucia learns a valuable lesson; if you save the little children from a TIBURON ENORME (huge shark), then Mama buys you a Helado Grande (a big icecream). Every child should know this. 'Augusto y su sonrisa' - about a tiger losing his smile is a bit beyond my level of Spanish, however but I remain confident in the fact that Miranda is not going to correct me. Yet.
I also envy Miranda's ability to be entertained for hours by her own feet. She has got the hang of reaching out and grasping things very well indeed now and grabs, glares at and bashes the rattly things hanging above her chair, and when she gets bored of them, she reaches for her feet and kicks the about. I've invested in an interesting array of brightly coloured socks just for this purpose.
Her motor skills, or lack of them, are beginning to frustrate her, however. She is so close to crawling! she can lift her head and shoulders with her arms, and lft her bum and wriggle with her legs, but she just can't get the hang of doing both at the same time. And she gets cross about it and shouts. She loves standing and walking though (with on of us holding her up, obviously) and showing off how tall she is. Babyzilla!!




***

At the twelve week mark I think I am just about qualified to hand out a bit of advice now too. Ahem. Well one friend of mine has she announced she's pregnant with her first, and another friend is now training to be a midwife. So to these at least, I suggest the following:

1. Breastfeed. Even if you think you can't, you probably can, despite what the companies who sell formula milk would have you believe. And stick at it - it really does get easier!

2. Do Not Read Parenting Books, especially NOT Gina Ford. The woman is draconian and utterly delusional! Babies, like everyone else, do not fit into nice neat little boxes, and find routines that suit themselves. Reading parenting books only leads to making comparisons between your baby and The Ideal, which doesn't actually exist, and then you just end up feeling crap and guilty and inadequate and worried. Trust in your own common sense and baby will be fine.

3. Set up a spam email account and then sign up for every single thing you can - it is possible to get tons of freebies this way!

4. Never be more than 3ft from a Yuk Cloth.

5. Buy a baby sling. Provided you tie it right, they are comfy, perfectly safe and infinitely easier than lugging round a pushchair, plus being so close to you is very comforting for the baby and will probably send her to sleep. Think "hands-free buggy".

6. Be prepared for Lochia. That is, the utterly humungous, disgusting flood of a period you get after giving birth. None of the midwives told me about this!!!! It is a period, basically, it's just huge and heavy because instead of all the lining that has built up over the course of a month coming out, it is what built up around baby for the entire nine months, and it goes on for weeks. Unless you are very brave and very quick to heal, you can't use tampons either, so you need the startlingly unattractive, mahoosive sanitary towels designed to be worn all night. I told Miri I had to go change Mummy's nappy too at times. I bled for ELEVEN WEEKS AND THREE DAYS.  It is soul destroying after a while, more so because I was never warned about it and worried constantly that it wasn't normal. Unfortunately, it is.

Any other Mums want to dispense advice that I haven't mentioned?

Family

Cute Little Things on the Line!

Miranda is 10 weeks old now! Unbelievable. She is now sleeping through the night, (almost!), has full control of her neck, has grown out of all her newborn clothes and best of all, she has started smiling, gurgling and giggling! She is soooo beautiful and I love it when she starts talking to me in Miri-speak. She is also capable of registering her disgust when necessary:

"We are not amused."

I haven't updated this blog for a while because everything has been completely hectic for the past few weeks. We dared to Go Out without her once; it was our eleventh anniversary and we left Miri in the capable hands of Auntie Jo and Uncle Graeme. I armed them with the Miranda Dictionary (see below) and they did a great job - and I resisted the urge to ring them every five minutes to check on her! Mum asked the other day if all my friends are going to be Honorary Aunts and Uncles. I still have Honourary Auntie Cathy - Mum's best friend, so I see no reason why not. Sadly Miranda will have no aunts or uncles on my side of the family, although Mum and one other friend with a good memory have commented on the fact that Miri, on occasion, looks a little bit like Uncle Rohan. Something about the gumpy grin, and her expression sometimes. I don't know if mine are genuine memories of how Rohan looked, or whether my imagination and wishful thinking are filling in the gaps... Despite my sad lack of siblings now though,  I have a lot of wonderful friends who I hope will be around to see her grow up. I've been Auntie Bel to little Ione since she was born so I'll return the favour!

At five weeks old, I had to take Miri to the photographers to get her passport photo done. Yep, even tiny babies are now expected to have their own passports, complete with straight-on-white-background-eyes-open-head-shot-photograph. It's hard enough getting the photo right in the first place, but I pity the customs people who have to tell the difference between month-old babies. Even more stupidly, she'll have this passport until she is five years old. She doesn't look the same a month later, let alone four years later....

Anyway, Miri has to have a passport so we can go to South Africa to show her off to her only real aunt, Carl's sister, and her paternal grandad in Johannesburg. Carl has a neice who also has two children and one more on the way - these are the nearest Miranda has to cousins. So even more reason to appoint friends as adopted family - my friends are people she will actually see regularly! Even so, I am really looking forward to Miri's first adventure abroad, seeing the in-laws again, and meeting my latest great-nephew!

Speaking of cousins though, my second cousin is most definitely Uncle Ol. He has a very very distant blood-relationship to Miri, but no matter how tentative the connection, he seems to absolutely adore her. It's really sweet, and this makes me smile a lot. I love my baby being admired! :) Ol came up last week under guise of helping me out with our Doctor Coffee stall - but really just to see Miranda, obviously. Miri is a fantastic advert for the business; so many people come up to see the cute baby and we waved coffee under their nose appropriately.

"I said I wanted a skinny three-shot caramelatte you fool!"

She is sitting on Granny's knee in that photo. The (grand-)parents came up for a few days last week as well, complaining that they hadn't seen Miranda in over a month! Could well be because they live 200 miles away.... Anyway, it was good to see them and of course they spoiled Miri rotten. It was difficult to prize her away from them; Dad must have taken hundreds of photos, Mum wouldn't let me push the pushchair at all the entire time they were up, and they even moaned when she was asleep! If it wasn't for the fact they couldn't feed her, I don't think we would have got her back at all, she would have been kidnapped and taken to the Welsh wilderness forever more.

Saltburn pier- one of the rare occasions I was allowed to hold my own daughter

 It does concern me that I am morphing in to my Mother, as the above photo demonstrates. Miranda's future will probably be decided pear-shaped! Having my parents around is reassuring in a strange way. Being Their Daughter makes me feel more like Me - I am used to that role. Being Miranda's Mummy is still a very new and unnerving concept. I've got to be All Growed Up, responsible, an Adult. I don't feel like it sometimes. It is all so scary still. I am so careful of Miranda, I just want to protect her from everything and I honestly couldn't bear it if anything hurt her! It's entirely irrational I know, but I just feel completely over-protective of her and at the same time, completely incapable and unprepared.

However, it is comforting that she seems to be such a happy little soul. The grins and the beginnings of little giggles make my heart melt. It is not just me and Carl now, we've gone from being a couple to being a family, and I think we're doing pretty well at it so far!

Our beautiful, happy little girl

The Miranda Dictionary

Miri is becoming more alert and awake every day (occasionally, to our annoyance!) and as a result, there are more and more "words" appearing in Miri-Language. So during those 4am, er, 'discussions' over whether or not she should be asleep, I have begun compiling the Dictionary of Miranda.

Alaah - I need reassurance and/or something to suck
Ayaaaaar (repetitive) - Give me attention/I am being ignored
Aaayaaaaaaaaaar (singular, long) - I'm so alone!
Eh-eh-eeh-eeeeheh - I am tired and not happy
Elah (repetitive) FOOD! NOW!
Eelaaaah (singular, long) I haven't been fed for HOURS!
Geheh? - Why am I not in the same place I went to sleep?
GNUUR - (onomatopeoic - denotes forthcoming "Pootrastophe")
Heeh! - That looks interesting!
Nyar-huh-huh - My nappy appears to be full/I am getting uncomfortable
Wuaaaaah! (repetitive, deafening) - It's been an exciting day and I feel like yelling.
Yeeaaa? - Is it worth waking up?

More soon, I'm sure!


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update:

Un-Nyeh! - I'm too hot!
Wuurr-hur-hur - I'm sooooooo unhappy

One Month New

Miranda is one month new!
Hard to believe really. Don't feel like we've got the hang of it yet. Sadly, one month in to parenthood means no more paternity leave for Carl; he has gone back to work and I have survived two days on my own with Miri. It is HARD. She was obviously so excited about her birthday that she woke up and wanted to start the day at 5.15am, slept deliberately through more human times of day including our outing, and then yelled solidly for over three hours - just for the hell of it - when Carl got in. Headaches all round, and poor Carl couldn't enjoy dinner or just splop and relax in the evening.

Miri is growing up quickly, which is both exciting and scary and saddening in that there is so little time to appreciate the little things. She seems more alert and active every day, and is now (well, at times) happy to sit and stare at things, absorbing and processing information. She seems fascinated by lights, and was very very interested in the fruit machine in the pub, for example. I am convinced she smiles too. I know everyone says it's only wind - but I fail to see how she is capable of moving her face so that she frowns when she's cross or looks sad when crying, but apparently cannot express happiness yet? On the upside, when she is grumpy, she is looking more and more like Carl. I am told she looks like me when she sleeps though (ie: mouth wide open, occasionally drooling). She is also getting far more mobile, developing those neck muscles very well - but only using them when she wants to. She straightens her legs far more now too, and happily kicks me in the stomach.  She can follow objects with her eyes when we move them about and makes steady eye contact with me when I talk to her, and she has successfully reached out for things and grabbed them once or twice too. Clever girl! (Actually, I was more proud of her when she aimed a flood of yellow poo straight down my Mum's leg, but that is besides the point!)

For her birthday, I got her a library card! She is now the youngest member of Darlington library, and of course, all the library staff cooed over her and admired her, as usual complimenting me on the amount of hair she has, as if I grew it for her intentionally! I got a few things out and signed up for Bookstart so she gets freebies in a few months time. I read to her already, even if she has no idea what I am saying. This gives me the chance to read the things I want, rather than the bloody Very Hungry Caterpillar(!!) and the sound of my voice sends Miranda to sleep quite easily - though I am not sure whether that is a good thing or not. She already stares hard at all the books on our shelves - lots of pretty colours in rows, I guess. Books are important, and no doubt she shall have lots of them. Though the library means Free Books for now, and if I get them out on her library card and she drools on them, they don't fine me. What a great system!

I also finally paid off the £3.60 library fine I accrued over a year ago, just so I could get out a book for myself. I found "My Mother Wears Combat Boots" by Jessica Mills. It is yet another (American) parenting book so I didn't have high hopes, but it is written with "alternative mums" as target audience. The author also has a blog: My Mother Wears Combat Boots which is more up to date.  I am all for anything to make a change from average parenting books, because I believe they are written by faceless women who actually like the Mothercare-esque range of entirely-pastel, pink for girls, blue for boys baby clothes, call their children things like Lexy or Jayden or Chlamydia, and drive 4x4s 200 yards down the road to nursery. Miranda's Mother wears New Rocks and rides a cheap Chinese scooter called Binky. And Proud! Sadly, there are very few books that cater for people like me.