Elah
We are slowly learning to
speak Miri-language, that is, recognising her different cries. The noise that
sounds like an indignant duck being sat on, for instance, roughly translates as
"I am seriously pissed off now!" There is also the rhythmic, monotone
and repetitive "A-yaar", which means "Give me attention!"
or more often, "Why am I in this chair when you are doing something
interesting?" The first word we learnt however, the one repeated most
often is "Elah".
Elah means FOOD, or more
precisely, Boob. At just under 3 weeks old, Miranda is having a growth spurt.
She has put on nearly half a kilo in a week, and I swear her feet have got even
bigger. This all means that she is eating constantly at the moment, demanding
food every hour when she is awake, and disrupting our nights even more than
"usual". (nothing as yet is usual or normal!). It is completely
exhausting!
I am breastfeeding
exclusively at the moment, which has earned whole-hearted approval from the
midwife. It wasn't really a conscious decision as Miranda found the milk bar and latched on within an
hour of being born! However, I have no problem with this really. In purely
practical terms, it is easier than faffing around with bottles and powder and mixing
formula at 3am, I know it is all she needs, and I am never going to run out.
And why pay for something when you can get it free?
It hurt like hell to begin
with though. Rachel helpfully advised me: "It's fine once the first layer
of skin has come off!". Seems to be true actually, it as actually a lot
easier now than it was. Nevertheless, as if the episiotomy wasn't bad enough,
getting blisters on your nipples is quite high up my list of Things You Should
Never Have To Endure. Miranda's suction power is astonishing for one so small!
At the moment it is only sore for the first few sucks - and Miri has a habit of
lunging at me from a distance. Unfortunately that few seconds of intense pain
is enough to render me wide awake meaning it is impossible to sleep through
middle-of-the-night feeds. Also, she needs extra fluids at the moment because
of the hot weather, so coupled with the growth spurt, she is feeding little but
often and my nipples never get the chance to recover!
The hormones associated with
breastfeeding are highly weird too. It is very bonding, which I suppose is a
survival technique from baby's point of view as Mums wouldn't put up with it
otherwise! Carl actually gets a bit jealous so I've started expressing milk so
he can have a go at bottlefeeding her. It took a few days for the amount of
milk to settle down though, and at first my boobs just swelled up enormously to
the point of looking fake and cartoonish, and then promptly leaked everywhere.
They have settled now though, leaving me having to panic-buy nursing bras in a
ridiculous size 36J!
At other
times, however, I get frustrated with it all. I don't like just being The Milk
Bar. Whenever I hold her, she smells food and immediately demands some. This
means I don't get cuddles in the way Carl does, I can't just sit and talk to
her or play with her like he can because she just hunts for Elah. More
annoyingly I can't settle her to sleep in the middle of the night because the
food supply is so distracting. When I am really tired, I feel completely
useless; sometimes she has actually drained me dry, I can't give her what she
really wants, and I can't cuddle her and calm her down either. Aaargh!
I do know this
will pass and when she is older I will get to be Mummy properly rather than
just Provider of Sustinance. I also know that it is not always going to hurt -
though I am dreading when she gets teeth. The benefits of Elah outweigh its
annoyances, so I will persevere. And I do love the newfound enormity. To Boobs!
*chinks glass*
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